SERVING GOD TO HELP SET HIS CHILDREN FREE

Counseling Services

I have been working with individuals and couples on relationship issues for over 17 years now. My ministry deals with the issues of:

  • Affairs & Betrayal
  • SEXUAL ADDICTION
  • Intimacy & Trust Issues
  • Anger Management Issues
  • Giving & Receiving Forgiveness
  • Codependency
  • Restoring Communication
  • FINDING HOPE


All my counseling is Spiritual in nature and Biblically-based. I am NOT a State-Licensed counselor, and I have no degrees or certificates in Sociology or Psychology. I am not an ordained Pastor, and I am not seeking to recruit for any particular church. I am a member in good standing with the AACC, American Association of Christian Counselors since 2005.

This ministry is not affiliated with, and  I do not receive any financial support from any church or religious organization. 

All of the support for this ministry comes from voluntary donations from the people I help. People pay whatever they can afford. If they HAVE NO MONEY, and cannot afford to pay, Counseling services are still provided Fully, without any restriction.


I do not rely on this ministry for wages. I am self-employed and have a small business selling specialized battery systems for medical equipment. (Cpap Devices). I use this income to help pay the rent on my office and give me a wage.


In my ministry, I counsel with Individuals and with Couples. I use no set curriculum, because each individual and couple presents such unique needs and challenges, and there are no blanket, cookie-cutter solutions. It is my heart to meet each person at their point of need and bring God's light of truth into their world. I trust the Spirit of God, the same that Jesus relied on, to give us wisdom and understanding in each situation. 

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I will never give you a bill, and I will not try to sell you anything.



TO CALL or  SEND A MESSAGE, please click on the   CONTACT US   Link located at the TOP of this page in the 

Blue MENU BAR



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marriage counseling

What I Believe & MY STORY

RON SHAW
FREE CHRISTIAN COUNSELOR
FREE Relationship Counselor
Porn Addictions   Pure Desire
Bible

WHAT I BELIEVE


The Bible is the divinely inspired Word of God

Man is born into sin, is spiritually lost, and needs a Savior.

Jesus Christ is unique as the One and only begotten Son of God, born of a virgin, fully human and fully divine, sinless, died on the cross for our sins, was raised from the dead on the third day, and is coming again.

We must actively receive our Salvation as a free gift of God’s grace on an individual basis, through faith in Him.

A believer’s salvation is secured by Christ alone.

We are created to worship God and walk daily in close fellowship with Him, relying totally on Him and His Spirit to be the Lord and strength in our lives.  Apart from Him, we can do “nothing” but fail.

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My wife and I are members of

Canyon Creek Church

in Mill Creek  WA

Several of the Pastors

send clients to me for help.


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MY STORY


Hi,  My name is Ron Shaw and I became a sexual addict starting at the age of 12, when a copy of Playboy magazine introduced me to a little “heaven on earth”.  I indulged in my hobby of using pornographic images, both in print and in movies, regularly until the age of 42 when I finally was forced to admit that I had a sexual addiction that ruled my world and was on the brink of destroying my 20 year marriage and costing me my wife and 3 children that I loved. At that point God got a hold of me and gave me an ultimatum:  to CHANGE --  or lose everything that mattered to me. I am now clean and sober since 1993, and I have been mentoring other men for the last 17 years to help them escape the prison of their sexual addiction.

I was aware that I had a problem with pornography for many years, but I felt I could keep it under control, and it would just be a “little secret” between my wife and I.  We were very involved in our church and considered an ideal Christian family with our 3 children all active in the youth group and our volunteering to serve at church on many projects.  All the time, I was renting X-rated videos and trying to get my wife to perform like the girls in the movies. She loved me very much, and even though it bothered her to do the stuff I demanded, she felt she had no choice but to try to satisfy me.

The problem is, that satisfaction is very temporary. What used to satisfy last month, or even last week, is no longer stimulating enough, so I was always looking for something new, something more exciting, more daring, more cutting edge. Love was not enough, I needed something that got my adrenaline going.

This made my wife, the woman who loved me as much as life itself, feel like a complete failure as a wife and lover. No matter what she did, it was never enough, I was always coming back and asking for something different.

About 6 months before our 20th wedding anniversary, my wife went to a counselor because she was having frequent thoughts of killing herself.  She believed she was a total failure and that I would be happier if I were free to find another wife who could better fulfill my needs. As a Christian, the fact that she was having these morbid thoughts alarmed her, so she sought help.  After her second session with the counselor, she came home scared to death. The counselor had told my wife that she must confront me and tell me I was a sex addict because I was using sex like a drug to deal with the pain and disappointment in my life. And I was treating her like an object to be used for fulfilling my needs. The counselor stated that my behavior was destroying our marriage. And when my Wife confronted me, do you know what I said?      I responded,  “I know, I’ve known for over two years.”  But you see, I honestly believed that I could handle it, I felt I had it under control. It was a lie from the pit of hell, but I needed to believe it.  At the same time I was having major issues with losing control of my temper.

Ladies, if your husband is caught up in the web of viewing porn, the most loving thing you can do is to STOP ENABLING him to continue hiding his secret sin and INSIST THAT HE GET SOME HELP. My wife “outted” me, and it saved my life.

BAM!  The truth I had been avoiding for years hit me square in the face.  I had been so caught up in my own “needs” that I had shut out any sensitivity to the human being who shared my bed and regularly cried herself to sleep at night. I was guilty of treating another human being as if she were no more than an object to be used for making me feel good. Well Guys, Big Surprise!  If you practice using your relationships to selfishly meet your own needs, it won’t be long before you will not be able to have a meaningful relationship based on genuine love with ANYONE! You will become a consumer and user of people. And that is how you end up so ALONE.

At some point you will look around your life and your relationships and discover that the rut you have created to take care of yourself with your “habit” has become a gutter. Full of the muck and scum of selfishness and deceit.  And even though you might be surrounded by people, family and “friends”, you will not have a genuine connection with any of them. You will be ALONE, hiding behind walls of the lies you tell everyone, and tell yourself. “I’m fine, I can handle this. No one is hurt. It's really no big deal.”


When you feel alone and unloved, you will need your sex “hit” more than ever. And that is why it is an addiction. The more you rely on it, the more it will separate you from the people who love you, and the more often you will need it.

When I made my choice to let God take over and I gave up my rights to do whatever I wanted with my body, I began to learn what God meant when He commanded for husbands to love (agape) their wives, I started to see for the first time the pattern of His design for happiness in a sexual partnership with my mate.  My wife and I celebrated our 45th wedding anniversary in June, 2018.  And I can honestly say that the lovemaking we enjoy now has been better than any of the first 20 years we were married --- when I was using pornography for stimulation and demanding “Hot” sex from my wife. 

Now I can see why my settling for adrenaline driven, excitement based, “Hot” sex was like eating a sugar saturated cupcake for dinner. It stopped my hunger but lacked any nutritional value for my heart and soul, and in the end I was starved for affection. What God has now given me in exchange,    is a sex life based on true “lovemaking”, a connection with my wife as a total person, a “knowing and being known” at the most fundamental levels. God describes it as two individuals becoming “one flesh”. After our gift of salvation, it is the most precious gift that God has given us for here on earth. And don’t get me wrong, sex done God’s way is anything but “boring”. When God designed sex and said “it is Good,” He knew what He was talking about!


To Sum up:

Lust is counterfeit for Love. It always TAKES what it wants from another person, and any potential for intimacy and connection is trampled by our self-centered focus.  Men who seek their physical satisfaction instead of giving selfless love (agape) will find that their selfishness will spill over into all their life and drive a wedge between themselves and everyone else they know, (both men and women).

The reason that God Hates Porn is for what it does to His precious daughters, diminishing them from being His special creations and reducing them to mere objects to be used. He hates porn even more for what it does to MEN! Porn programs us to use people instead of love them.

The path to escaping the prison of sexual addiction is different for each man, just as each man took a different path to fall into addiction.  It took more than a few months to become a sex addict, and it will take a season to gain victory over it. But there is great reason for hope:  Jesus promised that “if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed”  John 8:36  This particularly applies to sexual addiction. I was a devoted addict for 30 years, and I have now been clean and sober for over 25 years.  Please understand, I am NOT free from temptation (and sometimes it can be really tempting!)  I am free from the knee-jerk, automatic response that had me trapped and caused me to make stupid choices.  I live victoriously because I now can look for the escape route that God promises will always be there. 

  • No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.   1 Cor.  10:13

Satan has a mission statement – “To Isolate and Discourage” people.  Do you ever feel alone and hopeless?  That is a sign that Satan has been actively working in your life. If you have anger issues, this is another indicator that Satan is winning.

You have friends you do not even know about who are anxious to help you break out of your life-long bondage.  You NEED the help of others.  If you could have been able to conquer this problem on your own, you would have, long before now.

If you humble yourself before the Lord, He will lift you up!  James 4:10

Surrender your control, and God will meet you at your point of need.


Call me or SEND ME A MESSAGE, I can help you get started.

Ron Shaw


Send Me a Message

JESUS is the Truth & the LIGHT

Light of God's Truth.

TRUTH:

The hardest part of following Christ is learning that our lives are NOT "all about me". We grow up thinking that the purpose of life is to find OUR fulfillment, comfort, success, etc. This ignores the fact that God created each of us uniquely to have a relationship with HIM. In that relationship, HE is the Creator and our existence becomes about HIS design for our lives. When we begin to trust HIM to be the Lord (and provider) for our lives, we will no longer depend on other people to make us happy. Getting ourselves in the right relation with our Creator is where we discover WHO we really are, and is the beginning of the Quest to discover our WHOLENESS.

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I SHARE THESE THOUGHTS WITH YOU.

I BELIEVE THEY HOLD TRUTH -

BUT, I COULD BE WRONG. YOU NEED TO DECIDE FOR YOURSELF


TRUTH:  

Courage

Courage is not a feeling, it is a decision. Fear is RESPECTING that something has the power to harm you. Courage comes from choosing to believe that God's power in us is stronger than any force in this world, so my respect for God ("fearing Him") overcomes my respect for any power that threatens to harm me. It is not the absence of fear, it is just "fearing" (respect) for God more than our fear of circumstances. When we are at our weakest and most vulnerable is when we can count on the mighty strength of God to show up to save us. WE choose who we fear the most and that determines what controls our life.

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TRUTH: 

TRIALS are the fertilizer that causes our faith to grow.
 

God applies just the right amount of testing to get maximum growth, but not too much that will burn us and cause us to die.
 

James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

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TRUTH  


SUBMISSION

A friend shared with me the Godly definition of "submission" as being "under the mission". Any man who expects others to submit to his authority, MUST first make sure that he himself is "under the mission" to his Lord. Too many men demand strict obedience, yet at the same time are living in rebellion to God's word. They wonder why it is so hard to get anyone to follow them! They pervert the whole concept of submission and make it all about themselves!
Trust is EARNED and is based on consistency in our past performance. BEFORE we can ask anyone to trust us, we need to demonstrate that we are trustworthy! And our Bible tells us that apart from our submission to Christ, we will fail miserably at becoming worthy of anyone's trust!
Submission does not need to be demanded when the other person sees that we serve the ONE who has always proven trustworthy.


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TRUTH

 PAST - PRESENT - FUTURE 

Our PAST shapes our tendency to REACT/RESPOND. Our PRESENT is when we choose between reactively repeating the past ------- or INTENTIONALLY turning to our Lord to SAVE us from that past, and CREATE in us a great new future.
Each moment of each day is a "present" moment given to us to choose who we will become. Choose wisely.

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“No man knows how bad he is until he has tried very hard to be good.” C.S. Lewis


And no man tries his best to be good more than when he is married to a woman who puts her trust and hope in him. 

The rude awakening is when they discover together how far short of his goals he will fall. It is only then that he truly realizes his need for his Creator to become his "higher power" and lift him up. If his wife overcomes her profound disappointment and accepts that her marriage was not a "mistake" for marrying such a imperfect, needy man, then she can encourage him and love him as he allows God to transform him into the spiritual leader that God always planned for him to BECOME. 

But his wife is a vital part of the transformation process. God uses her as the man's reason to submit to God's power and authority, over sticking with his own "Rights". So Guess what God has planned to happen to the woman as well! She too, must submit to God's transforming power to become the person God designed her to become!

Our life is not so much about what we do, or how well we do it. What really matters is Who are we Becoming? Is it More like Jesus, or more self-centered and controlling, needing to fight for our "rights"?


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Common Sense says "Stay in the Boat!"


Years of tradition, and his own personal experience, had taught the young fisherman, Peter, this basic truth: “The first rule of fishing is to Stay in the Boat”. The water is for fish, fishermen never join them in the water.

But as Peter looked out and saw Jesus walking outside the boat, he had to choose. Either he stayed with the rest of his companions, and followed tradition based on collective “common sense”, or, if Peter wanted to walk with Jesus, it meant abandoning his own understanding, risking his life, and stepping out in Faith. BREAKING THE RULES!

But Jesus said:  “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” Matt 14:27

The Reason this story is included in Scripture is to challenge us to examine what limitations we put on God’s will for leading us? Are we stuck where it is “safe”, “reasonable”, “predictable”? Do we automatically dismiss anything that requires us to leave our security and comfort? Are we, like the Pharisees of old, so bound by our life’s traditions that we cannot consider anything new and different?

If we step out in Faith to walk with Jesus, common sense states that we are less safe, more “at-risk”, but do we listen to common sense of men, or our inner soul that tells us that there is no safer place to be than walking hand-in-hand with our Lord?

If Jesus were to say to us “Come, follow me.” What list of prerequisites would we hand Him before we could join Him?

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We Cannot be BETRAYED if we remember that ONLY GOD can give us a Guarantee on any of His Promises. Don't mistake the honest "Best Intentions" of any person as any type of guarantee. They are not God and their love is not Perfect. (And neither is ours.)  If we do not put trust in our misplaced expectations, we will not feel betrayed when people disappoint us.

PLACE ALL YOUR TRUST IN GOD'S PROMISES and ONLY Those Promises.

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God gives GENEROUSLY to those

who GIVE GENEROUSLY. 

We cannot out-give God, and He challenges us to "TEST ME in this".

LUKE 6:38  & MALACHI 3:10


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SADLY, no matter how much we honestly care, We Can't Raise Other People's Children, Especially the Older Ones!

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TO CONTINUE, Please Click on Links in BLUE SECTION at the Top of this page.


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